


All I Want for Christmas is You

by SeemaG



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: 25 Days of Voyager, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Music, Christmas Tree, F/M, Post-Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27964346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeemaG/pseuds/SeemaG
Summary: It's the first Christmas back in the Alpha Quadrant, and the mood is anything but festive. Can Kathryn and Chakotay find what's missing from their lives?
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Seven of Nine, Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 60
Kudos: 55
Collections: 25 Days of Voyager (2020 Version)





	1. Blue Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> My gratitude to Rocky for the beta. As always, she makes all things better.

Admiral Kathryn Janeway stared at the large pile of PADDS sitting on the corner of her desk. No matter how fast she worked through the communiques, it never seemed to make a difference. She was already giving up her nights and weekends to keep up, and now she was starting to despair that the promised slowdown as Christmas approached would ever happen. Starfleet Headquarters had been merrily decorated and even Kathryn had put out a bowl of candy canes on her desk for visitors to grab when they came to meet with her. It was her one nod to date for the holiday season. 

She was still working through the latest documents when there was a chime at her door.

Biting back her irritation, she said, “Come in.” 

Admiral Owen Paris stepped in. “Hello, Kathryn.”

“Admiral.” Kathryn got up and hugged him.

Paris held up his hand. “No need for formalities,” he told her cheerfully. “This isn’t official business.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Kathryn said. She gestured towards the PADDs. “This is really getting ridiculous, Owen. It feels like the weight of the entire quadrant is resting on my shoulders.”

“Perhaps, but maybe you should let somebody help take that burden off you,” Owen said kindly, his cerulean blue eyes – so like his son’s – warm with affection. “I know you like to do things alone, Kathryn, but it’s not healthy. Starfleet isn’t – and shouldn’t be – your whole life.”

Kathryn sighed. “Let me guess, you want me to stop and smell the roses.”

“At least the Christmas cookies,” Owen said. “Kathryn, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. You should enjoy it. You did a marvelous job bringing your crew home, and now you need to relax and enjoy the finer things in life. The work can wait.”

“But the Ferengi and the Romulans won’t,” Kathryn said.

“They know it’s Christmas. They’ll understand,” Owen said. “Think about it, Kathryn. Take some time off for yourself. Go to Indiana, see your mother and sister. And don’t think about Starfleet. Not for a single moment. Celebrate a very merry Traditionalist holiday.” 

The idea seemed fantastic and reminded Kathryn of all of those past Christmases spent in a flurry of light and love with her family and Mark. Now Mark had moved on and had a family of his own. Now that they were back home, she knew the Voyager crew would be making all new memories. She had, after all, sacrificed so much to bring them home, just so that they could celebrate the joy of the season with their loved ones. She was looking forward to hearing all their stories when everyone returned to work. 

Breaking into her thoughts, Owen said, “I don’t want to hear a single report of you showing up in your office over the holiday!”

Kathryn was about to retort that that was easier said than done, but she knew Owen wasn’t the type to take no for an answer. 

“You’re right, Owen,” she said finally. All she had to do was take the PADDs home with her, to her lovely and expansive home overlooking San Francisco Bay, and finish her work there. What Owen didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Blue Christmas" by Elvis Presley
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwdI-gbm5kE


	2. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

“Tom! Commander!” Harry Kim’s voice rang out gaily as he entered the restaurant and approached their table. Chakotay smiled warmly as _Voyager’s_ former operations chief slid into the empty seat opposite him. Tom Paris had arrived a few minutes earlier and was already nursing a beer. A giant pretzel with a side of honey mustard sat next to the beer stein

“He’s not in Starfleet anymore,” Tom said to Harry, jerking his chin in Chakotay’s direction.

“Old habits die hard,” Harry said with a bright grin. “How are things, Chakotay?”

“Good, good.”

“And Seven?” Tom asked. “I haven’t heard from her in a while.”

“She’s been very busy,” Chakotay said. “This new assignment she’s picked up from Starfleet is quite complicated, takes up a lot of her time,” he sighed. “I don’t see her as much as I’d like to.”

Tom and Harry exchanged sympathetic looks. Finally, Tom said, “Well, I hope you get to spend some time together over the holidays.”

“I did tell her how very important Christmas was to me,” Chakotay said. “She’s promised to make an effort.” He sighed again, wondering how much he should tell Tom and Harry about the true situation with Seven, and the distance that was growing between them. He knew Tom would immediately tell B’Elanna, and he wasn’t sure he wanted B’Elanna to know, knowing just how opposed she had been to his relationship with Seven. Even cradling a newborn in her arms, B’Elanna had given him a fierce tongue-lashing, telling him that Seven was too young and too Borg for him. He squirmed, thinking about just how upset she had been, but at the time, he’d hoped his dear friend would come around.

“Look, this is our first Christmas back on Earth,” Harry said earnestly. “It deserves to be special, meaningful, and you need to spend it with the people you care about.”

“Yes, exactly,” Tom said as he gulped down some beer. “Christmas isn’t Christmas if you aren’t with the ones you love.”

Chakotay considered this statement. It had been a long time since he had truly had the chance to celebrate Christmas the way it was meant to be celebrated. If he was being honest, he wanted it all. The Canaan fir tree, the lights, the packages, and someone to snog under the mistletoe. If only things had worked out a little differently in the Delta Quadrant…

Clearing his throat, Chakotay asked the other two what their plans were, and settled back to listen. Tom and B’Elanna were going to spend Miral’s first Christmas with the Paris family and Julia Paris had offered to teach B’Elanna how to make candy canes. Harry’s parents had rented a cabin near Lake Tahoe and the entire extended Kim family – 20 cousins and aunts and uncles - were coming to spend the holiday together.

“We’re planning to get Miral a puppy,” Tom said. “Apparently on the Klingon homeworld, pet targs are a traditional gift for a baby’s first Christmas, er, QISmaS, but it was hard to get one this year. She’s still confused about the difference between her fingers and her toes, so I’m fairly sure no matter what B’Elanna says, Miral won’t realize that she has a puppy, not a targ.” He grinned at Chakotay. “What are your plans?”

Chakotay found his voice. “Oh, nothing exciting yet.”

“Surely you’re going to have a tree and everything,” Tom said.

“And eggnog!” Harry chimed in.

“Not to mention, sitting by the fireplace, cuddling,” Tom said dreamily.

Chakotay considered. “I’d really like to hear more about what you are doing.”

“It’ll be the first time I’ve seen everyone since we got back,” Harry said excitedly. “I can’t wait. I love being home again.” He looked at Harry and Tom. “This will be the best Christmas ever, won’t it? Maybe if we get lucky, it will even snow!”

Tom’s cerulean blue eyes took on a faraway look. “It sounds perfect. I’m really looking forward to it.”

Chakotay could only manage a pained smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/We Three Kings" - Barenaked Ladies & Sarah McLachlan
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGVNzgUxE-g


	3. Christmases When You Were Mine

Kathryn walked out into the Presidio. The beautiful afternoon promised to turn into a beautiful evening. The wind was perfect, and the way the sun set on the horizons, it cast exquisite rays of light that gleamed and caressed the hull of _Voyager_.

That Starfleet had made the decision to preserve _Voyager_ as a museum struck Kathryn as curiously short-sighted in the aftermath of the Dominion War. Didn’t they need more starships, after the havoc wreaked by the Jem’Hadar? Privately, she suspected that Starfleet Command was cowed by the presence of all the alien technology – including Borg systems – that they’d brought home with them. Yet, it also allowed moments like this when she could circle the ship, taking in its curves, and the pure elegance of its design. After making a cursory inspection, she made her way to the entrance of the ship and then took the turbolift to the bridge.

When the turbolift doors opened, she caught her breath. A large bronze plaque was attached to the captain’s chair, with her name and the dates of her captaincy. She had presided over this bridge for seven years and now her command would be forever immortalized. A warm rush of feeling brought tears to her eyes as she remembered. She would never ever forget the awe she felt the first time she had stepped onto the bridge, and nor would she ever forget that last moment she had spent on it, when she leaned over to Chakotay – who had always been at her side through those grueling Delta Quadrant years – and squeezed his hand.

“We did it,” she’d told him, her gaze meeting his obsidian one with pride. “We’re home.”

“No, you did it,” he’d answered in that husky tone that made her toes curl in the tips of her Starfleet-regulation boots. “Kathryn, what you did…” the moment was lost as Seven of Nine appeared on the bridge. Chakotay’s attention had immediately gone to her, and when Seven announced it was time to go, he’d gotten up with alacrity and gone off with his paramour, with barely a farewell to his old captain. Kathryn, of course, stayed behind, letting the two new lovebirds leave without her while she savored her last moments in command.

After making a cursory inspection of the bridge, Kathryn quickly stopped by her quarters, not sparing a glance as she passed what had been Chakotay’s. Inside her cabin, she thought about how many dinners she and Chakotay had shared. How often had she looked forward to their quiet time together, when they talked about the ship’s business and other things while sharing a bottle of Merlot. A sudden pang of loneliness hit her and quickly, she went to the holodeck.

Here, they had hosted seven years’ worth of holiday celebration, but the highlight of every year was of course the Christmas celebration. Everyone on the crew always looked forward to the lighting of the holographic tree – usually alternating between a Canaan fir or a Noble one -- so everyone came in full cheer. It was almost always a white Christmas, just light and delicate enough for footprints to be left behind. Eggnog flowed freely along with peppermint candy and slices of Yule logs covered in chocolate, and any other delicacies Neelix could come up with. But what she remembered the most was the laughter.

Kathryn sighed as she looked around the holodeck that had been the site of so many happy memories. With a mournful look, she decided it was time to go home. _Voyager_ and all of the lovely Christmas memories she had created that were decidedly in her past. It was time to create a new future for herself, even if she didn’t know what that meant or who it would include.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Christmases When You Were Mine" by Taylor Swift
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewf7njAnKDU


	4. River

After meeting with Tom and Harry, Chakotay found himself in a pensive mood and instead of heading back to his apartment in Nob Hill, he decided to go the Embarcadero for a quick walk along the bay. He had always been the meditative sort, inclined to stare into space for long periods of time as his quick mind processed all sorts of data. Some might call him wooden or perhaps even stoic, but he preferred to think of himself as the cautious type. After all, while serving as the first officer of the only Starfleet vessel in the Delta Quadrant, prudence was a most excellent quality, especially when your captain was Kathryn Janeway.

He flinched at the sudden memory of his former commanding officer. He hadn’t spoken to Kathryn in quite some time, not since shortly after their return home when he had informed her that he was leaving Starfleet and that Seven would be taking on a very high-profile project at Starfleet Headquarters and he would be teaching part-time at the Academy, albeit as a civilian. Kathryn had seemed very startled and sad to hear the news, but her only comment had been that she’d miss working with him.

“We always made such a good team, didn’t we?” she’d asked him as they walked down the snaking paths on the grounds of the Presidio. She touched his forearm, lightly, but the warmth of that gesture left permanent memory on his skin. “I admit, I was counting on your help and counsel when I moved into my new role as admiral of the 9647th fleet. I’ve gotten so used to having you always by my side…”

“I’m making the decision that’s best for me and Seven,” Chakotay told her abruptly.

“I know that,” she’d said, but the expression in her eyes didn’t match the curve of her lips.

“Don’t worry,” he had said hastily. “You can call me any time you need someone to talk to. You can depend on me.”

“I may take you up on that,” she’d answered.

In the setting evening sun, her hair had blown softly around the curves of her face, and her eyes bright with emotion. It had taken all his will power not to touch her, or tuck that errant strand behind her ears - or take the chance to finally kiss her as he’d longed to all these years. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but this moment wouldn’t allow for it. _It was too late for them._ Circumstances had conspired against them and he felt a palpable ache in his chest for all they could have had and now never would. He remembered taking a deep breath, saying good-bye, hoping that she would call. As he’d walked away, a wave of sorrow enveloped him, and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was making an enormous mistake.

Since that moment, he’d convinced himself that he’d done the right thing. But what if Tom and Harry were right? What if Christmas was truly about being with the ones you love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "River" by Joni Mitchell
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpFudDAYqxY


	5. That's What I Want For Christmas

When Tom came into the house, he found his lovely wife, B’Elanna Torres, furiously dumping ingredients into a mixer. She had flour on her face and down the front of her uniform, and she looked adorable.

“If I can engineer a starship, I can engineer the perfect cookie!” she declared before Tom could ask what she was doing. His question answered, Tom lounged against the kitchen counter, carefully noting the massive quantity of colored sugar and assorted candies strewn about. Miral sat in her infant seat nearby, sucking on a red and white striped candy cane that was almost bigger than she was. B’Elanna had never had much of a sweet tooth, but clearly the spirit of the season had imbued her with a fierce desire he had never seen in her before.

“I have no doubt you will, my sweet darling,” Tom said. He dipped a finger into the dough, tasted it and then nodded in appreciation. “If this is any indication, you’ll certainly give my mother a run for her credits. You know how seriously she takes her holiday cookie baking!”

“Indeed,” B’Elanna said. “And I know this is Miral’s first Christmas and I’m determined to make it special and full of memories and meaning for everyone. I have to do my part.”

“You are,” Tom told her. “More than you need to. Everyone is going to love your cookies. But more importantly, I love you.”

“How were drinks with Chakotay and Harry?” she asked, and Tom immediately recognized her tone of voice. Despite her recent domesticity, B’Elanna was hungry and thirsty for contact with the outside world.

“It was fine. Harry is Harry and Chakotay…”

“Is Chakotay?”

“Yeah, but something was missing,” Tom said. He looked pensive. “I can’t put my finger on it, but he seems pretty morose. He didn’t volunteer anything about his plans for the holidays. It sounds like he left it all up to Seven.”

“Seven? What does _Seven_ know about _Christmas_?” B’Elanna looked aghast at the idea that the Borg drone would be put in charge of the most important holiday in the Alpha Quadrant. “Everything she knows, she must have assimilated!”

“Now, now, B’Elanna,” Tom chided her gently. “She’s trying and that’s what’s important.”

“No, what’s important is understanding the spirit and joy and love that fills the heart at Christmas time. I’m sorry, but Seven can’t quite possibly comprehend how important this holiday would be to Chakotay. No wonder he’s so miserable and sad.”

“I didn’t say he was miserable and sad,” Tom said.

“No, but you implied it.” B’Elanna dumped the cookie dough out of the mixing bowl on to the counter and started another batch. For the next two minutes, her words were lost in the sounds of the mixer beating together butter, sugar, eggs, flour, baking soda, salt, and vanilla. When the mixer finally stopped, B’Elanna said, “You know he wouldn’t have had this problem if he had just told Janeway how he really feels about her.”

“B’Elanna, she was the captain.”

“And now she’s not. What’s the problem?”

Tom Paris had to admit that his wife did indeed ask a very good question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "That's What I Want for Christmas" by Nancy Wilson
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJPmhKwMBD8


	6. Last Christmas

Seven of Nine took a step back, examining the Christmas decorations with a keen eye. The wreath was precisely centered, its ornamental silver and blue decorations twinkling in the warm light emitted from the kitchen. The tree itself was beautifully decorated with silver garlands and white lights, with decorations in pantone 280 C, 4124 C, and 2117 C. It was a very pleasing color palate, and she was certain Chakotay would appreciate it.

For the evening’s dinner, she had selected the wine – Chateau Picard cabernet, vintage 2371 – to accompany the main course: fusilli, carefully tossed in a Parmesan sauce, and artfully arranged with artichoke hearts. The aroma of fresh baked cookies and apple pie wafted up, scenting the air beautifully. It was, as far as Seven was concerned, the most perfect Christmas celebration.

Prior to her arrival on Earth, she had never really known Christmas, other than the paltry imitation observed on board _Voyager_. Well, that was to be expected due to the shortage of a Douglas fir or a Scotch pine for the tree, let alone holly and mistletoe and mulled wine and eggnog (Neelix’s attempts in that direction had been a mockery of the true spirits of Christmas, in more ways than one). The Borg had, of course, gained the knowledge of the holiday many times over from multiple individuals, and from this collective knowledge, Seven knew exactly how to create the most perfect Christmas celebration ever.

She had finished lighting the blue tapers, carefully set into silver holders, just as the front door chimed signaling someone was entering. She allowed herself the smallest smile as she went to greet her new arrival.

“Chakotay,” she said, stepping gracefully to the side. “You are precisely on time.”

“Hello,” he said, but he didn’t kiss her cheek as she had expected. Instead he stood just inside the door. He took a sweeping look around the room, his gaze suddenly focused on the beautifully decorated tree in the center of the room, but Seven didn’t see any excitement for her efforts in his expression. “It certainly looks festive.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I hope it is to your liking.”

Chakotay drew his gaze back to her. “It is, but…” He coughed slightly. “I appreciate this, Seven, I really do…”

She froze, her bare shoulders suddenly very cold. The flames still cackled and cracked in the fireplace, so clearly what she was feeling was something else than an actual drop in the ambient temperature. In the few months of their relationship, she had never quite heard that tone of voice from Chakotay. She quickly processed through the emotions she could hear: sadness, regret, guilt, distress. There was, as far as she could tell, no joy for the effort she had expended on his behalf.

“But what?” she asked.

“I am sorry,” Chakotay said. “But I can’t. I can’t do this.” 

“You cannot do _what_?”

“This.” He waved his arm around the room. “It doesn’t feel right.”

“Did you not want a tree? Or maybe you would have preferred a White Pine or Balsam Fir…” Seven narrowed her eyes. Perhaps it was the wreath. And then another thought; she knew Chakotay really put a lot of importance on Christmas. Perhaps she had omitted a crucial detail. “If there is an error in my rendition of the holiday trappings, I can correct it.”

“It’s not that,” Chakotay said. “It’s you and me, Seven. Or rather, it’s just me.” He took her hands in his and squeezed in supplication. “I’m sorry. I really am. I had hopes for us, but in the end, I have to be true to myself.” He looked deep into her eyes. “It’s not fair to you if I’ve been thinking about spending this holiday with someone else.”

Seven froze. “Kathryn Janeway.”

Chakotay nodded sadly. “Yes.”

“Is she aware of your intent to spend Christmas with her?” Seven asked.

“No,” Chakotay said quietly. “But that doesn’t matter right now.” He hugged Seven quickly. “I hope we can still be friends. Please let me know if you ever need anything.” And then he was in the doorway, offering her the tiniest of smiles. Seven bristled. She did _not_ need to see those dimples; their power over her was overrated. The door closed and Seven stared at the feast so carefully arranged on the table. With a sigh, she popped open a bottle of wine. She knew she could count on Picard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Last Christmas" by Wham
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8gmARGvPlI


	7. Please Come Home for Christmas

With a sigh, Kathryn pressed the comm button. Within seconds, she was connected to her mother. Gretchen Janeway, her greying hair piled high on her head, was pink-cheeked and her eyes twinkled a merry blue as she appeared on the screen. She was wearing her favorite red-and-white checked apron, so Kathryn knew immediately that her mother was baking up her usual assortment of Christmas goodies. Gretchen Janeway was famous over several counties for her concoctions such as the anise spice cookies that were paper thin or the Italian Christmas cookies made with ricotta and lemon (though Kathryn herself actually preferred the mint fudge brownies). Regardless of the season, Gretchen Janeway’s treats were always a sensuous delight for the taste buds.

“Kathryn!” Gretchen said, wiping her hands down the front of her apron. “How are you? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you till tomorrow morning. Is everything all right?”

“Everything is fine, Mom.” Kathryn furrowed her brow. “Looks like you’re baking up a storm.”

“Just finished the Hannukah cookies,” Gretchen said cheerfully. “I’m trying to be more inclusive this year. And I’ll be starting on the chocolate and the peppermint next. I know those are your favorite. And oh, when Phoebe and the kids come tomorrow, we’ll be decorating the sugar cookies. This year I got cookie cutters in the shape of starships. Isn’t that fun?”

“That’s thoughtful of you, Mom,” Kathryn said.

“So, when will you be home?”

Kathryn gulped some air. And then some more air. “That’s what I’m calling to tell you, Mom. I, I can’t make it this year.”

Gretchen’s eyes widened. “What? But Kathryn, you just got home! All those years you were away…and now, it most certainly won’t be Christmas without you!”

“I know, I know. But there’s just so much to do here,” Kathryn said. She waited a beat and then said, “I really can’t get away.”

“Kathryn, are you sure this promotion is really what you want?” Gretchen asked. “Ever since you got that bar on your collar, you’ve been working so hard. What about the good things in life? What about the things that bring you joy? You spend all your time at Starfleet, I’m afraid you’re missing out on the things that really matter. Like a husband and children of your own.”

“I know, Mom,” Kathryn said wistfully. “I’m really sorry about all of this. I’ll make it up to you. I promise. New Year’s Eve?”

Gretchen’s expression turned resigned. “I know when I’m faced with the famous Janeway stubbornness,” she said. “At least tell me you’re going to get a tree to liven up that sterile apartment you call home.”

“I haven’t thought about it,” Kathryn said. “It’s just been so busy.”

“You can _never_ be too busy for the season,” Gretchen said. “And don’t you dare let me down. I expect to see you on New Year’s Eve, no excuses.”

“I’ll be there. Thanks, Mom.” Kathryn turned off the device and then leaned back in her chair. The pile of PADDs on her desk seemed to have grown taller during the short conversation with her mom. With a sudden pang of sadness, she wondered if her mother was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Please Come Home for Christmas" - Jon Bon Jovi
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mamWPQp6dEM


	8. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Kathryn ran up to the front door of the tree farm. The lights were still on inside, but she knew that it was near closing time. She hoped that they would let her still on property to look for the tree of her dreams. Even though she’d decided to spend Christmas alone, she still needed a tree with the perfect shape and profusion of greenery. She could already smell the comforting aroma of evergreens. She knocked on the door and it opened on command.

“Hi,” Kathryn said breathlessly. “I know it’s late—”

The owner, a wizened gentleman with a tuft of yellow hair and kindly eyes, smiled at her. He was wearing a colorful suit and she could see that his hands were mottled with splotches of brown. “It’s never too late to find a little bit of magic,” he said with a smile. “Now tell me, what are you looking for?”

“I uh, I uh had a Traditionalist upbringing and now I’m in Starfleet and I’m spending the holiday alone, and I don’t know if I have any Christmas spirit anymore,” Kathryn said, a bit shocked at how her words tumbled out.

“Ah, so nothing grand,” the gentleman said. “You are looking for a connection, a tree that feels like it could be a member of your family.”

Kathryn stiffened. “How did you know that?”

“Because everyone is looking for a connection at this time of year and if you’re spending it alone, of course the tree is of vital importance.” The man went to the back door and opened it. “I believe you will find what you’re looking for in the third aisle, to the right.”

Kathryn smiled. “Thank you.” She turned to the right, as suggested, and then the third aisle. She took her time to look at the trees carefully. Above her, bright lights bounced on wires in the gentle night wind. As she made her way down the row, her boots crunched the dirt sprinkled with snow beneath her feet; the flurries that had come earlier in the evening had since stopped. She jammed her hands into the pockets of her coat. She had to be honest. It had been years since she had looked for a Christmas tree. There were so many varieties at the tree farm – Frasier, Douglas, Concolor – with varying degrees of size and fragrance, yet nothing felt right. She was assailed by sudden doubt. Maybe it was a mistake, opting to spend the holiday alone. Maybe Owen was right, and she should go to Indiana for Christmas, after all. At least in Indiana, she would be surrounded by family and she would enjoy her mother’s fantastic home cooking and join Phoebe in rousing round of caroling. And if she was being very honest with herself, she really did want to experience a white Christmas.

She inhaled the deep piney scent and turned around to retrace her steps, only to stop in her tracks as she immediately recognized the figure coming towards her.

“Chakotay,” she breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Rockin Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qYz7rfgLWE


	9. Oh Christmas Tree!

Chakotay felt his heart quicken as he closed the distance between them. It took all of his restraint not to grab her and fold her into a big warm embrace. He wanted so much to stroke her face, to twine a lock of her hair around his fingers. But instead, he settled for saying, “It’s nice to see you, Kathryn.”

“It’s been a long time,” she said, looking around her, as if checking to see that they were alone. “Where is Seven?”

He shuffled his feet in the dirt. “We’re no longer together.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she said neutrally, but was that a flash of hope in her eyes?

“Yeah.” Chakotay breathed heavily and then he said, “It’s for the best. I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I know Christmas is a tough time but I didn’t think I could go through the holidays pretending that we had a future.” He sighed. “Now that I’m alone for Christmas, I decided to get a Christmas tree of my own. What about you?”

“The same. I decided not to go to Indiana for Christmas. I have too much work to do,” Kathryn said. “I know the quadrant more or less shuts down this time of the year and everyone is hosting celebrations on their homeworld, but I just couldn’t take the time off. But to keep in the spirit, I thought at least I could have a tree. B’Elanna told me about this place and so, here I am.”

Chakotay considered what Kathryn had just said. “That’s funny, Tom’s the one who suggested I come here,” Chakotay said. The two of them looked at each other. Kathryn was the first to smile.

“Some things never change, do they?” she asked.

“Or maybe they do,” Chakotay said meaningfully. “For the better.” He paused, watching for Kathryn’s reaction very carefully. He wondered what she was thinking, what she was feeling. Did she feel that same rush of emotional adrenaline when she looked into his eyes? Did she miss feeling their fingers intertwine as much as he did? He had so many questions, and he hoped that she had the answers that he was looking for. Taking a deep breath, he decided to take the first step. “Have you found a tree yet?”

“No, not yet. I haven’t found one that speaks to me yet.”

“Well, I have.” Chakotay took the chance and placed his hand at the small of her back. She didn’t flinch or pull away. Again, he thought about just how perfectly his hand fit against her, as if that spot had been made just for him. “Come, I’ll show you.”

The tree was only a few evergreens away and when Kathryn saw it, her jaw dropped. She turned slowly to Chakotay in amazement.

“This is the perfect tree. A Canaan fir,” she said, awe coloring her voice. “ _Chakotay_ …”

“Tell you what,” he said, his voice cracking. “We’re both alone for Christmas. Why don’t we share the tree?”

Kathryn only hesitated for a moment. “I’d like that.”

And as she spoke, a snowflake, and then another, drifted down from the night sky. By the time they had reached the main office, a light dusting of snow covered the ground. Chakotay squeezed Kathryn’s hand.

“I guess it’ll be a white Christmas after all,” she said happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Oh Christmas Tree" by Aretha Franklin
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0EXDwf2090


	10. Mistletoe and Wine

Janeway leaned into Chakotay’s arms as they settled on the sofa in front of the fireplace after a delicious dinner of a hearty Moroccan stew and lentil pie, served with sweet potatoes on the side. It was amazingly how perfect she fit up against him. There was something so perfect and wonderful about this moment. They had waited for so long to be together, and finally, finally it had all come together at the best and most wonderful time of the year. Two weeks ago, she wouldn’t have even imagined this moment as possible; now she couldn’t imagine this moment _not_ existing. She wanted to hold onto it forever.

“Thank you for a wonderful dinner,” Kathryn said as she put down her wine glass. She could smell Chakotay’s aftershave. Damn, he smelled so good. A very rugged smell, very outdoorsy, very masculine. “You must have worked so hard on it.”

“Well, my replicator did,” Chakotay said with a dimpled smile. Kathryn could feel herself melting. Damn, those dimples. How had she forgotten about the dimples? She smiled.

“And the wine?” she asked. The main course had been served with a spectacular merlot with just the right accents of fruit and oak tinging its flavor. “Ktarian 2364. That’s a tough vintage to get a hold of.”

“Turns out I might know someone who has a connection to that world,” Chakotay said, his obsidian eyes twinkling in the glow of the firelight.

“And how is Samantha Wildman?” Kathryn asked.

“Doing very well.” Chakotay reached over and idly twirled a strand of Kathryn’s hair around his finger. The tips of his fingers were electric against her cheek. She turned her face into his palm, her lips press gently into his skin. “She asked about you.”

“Hmmm?”

“Told her I was seeing you tonight,” Chakotay said. “She said about time.” His brow furrowed slightly, his eyes crinkling with laughter at the edges. “I told her I couldn’t agree more.”

Kathryn laughed lightly. “I suppose everyone on _Voyager_ has an opinion about us.”

Chakotay tipped his head to the side. “I suppose. It _was_ a small ship.”

In the background, the music picked up a beat. Kathryn rose to her feet and held her hands out to Chakotay.

“Dance with me?” she said.

“With pleasure,” he said, his broad smile revealing his perfect white teeth.

They swayed together in the middle of Chakotay’s living room, their hands caressing each other as they moved. Kathryn let herself go limp, almost boneless in Chakotay’s strong embrace. He felt warm and strong, as she laid her head against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat was comforting to her. They shuffled together, and there was nothing awkward at all about the movements. They were moving together as one.

“Kathryn,” Chakotay said gruffly.

“What is it?”

He pointed to the ceiling. Kathryn gasped. They were positioned perfectly under the mistletoe. She turned her gaze back to Chakotay. His eyes were bright, and she rose up on her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck. That first kiss was warm, gentle, and she smiled in anticipation of the second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Mistletoe and Wine" by Cliff Richard
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZCEBibnRM8


	11. You Make It Feel Like Christmas

The next morning, Kathryn woke up, momentarily startled by her surroundings. And then she remembered she was in Chakotay’s bed, and that Chakotay’s strong muscular form was still next to her. She clutched the sheet to her chest as she rolled over to look at him. Carefully, she traced the line of his jaw. Her touch was reverent, wanting to understand and memorize every part of him. After all, it had been so very long since she had first realized how desperately and passionately she loved him. For years and years, she had to put her feelings aside for the sake of the crew, but now that was in the past. Now she could truly have the love of her life, what every woman deserved to have.

Chakotay’s eyes opened just as she traced his tattoo. He held still as she finished the almost prayer-like motion.

“Good morning,” he said finally. He kissed the hollow at the base of her throat, and then worked his way down to her collarbone. He gently pushed her flat on her back, as his lips explored her body. Kathryn whimpered as he made his way lower, his skillful hands knowing exactly where to go and what to do. It didn’t take long for her world to explode into color and light.

Catching her breath, her skin still tingling, Kathryn said, “That was amazing. _You’re_ amazing.”

Chakotay smiled. Dimples again. “You make me amazing. In fact, I never knew what I could do or who I would be until I met you. And now I know. I never want to go back to the old Chakotay. Kathryn, you are what I need and want for the rest of my life.”

Kathryn bit back a sob. These were the words she had wanted to hear for years. The words she thought Chakotay would say to her after New Earth and damn it, he had not. Because she was the captain. And those were not the things you said to a captain. She snuggled closer to him, never wanting to lose the touch of his skin against hers. If only they could stay like this forever. If only it could be Christmas all the time.

“Kathryn.”

‘Hmmm…”

“I have something I want to tell you.”

She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him lightly on the lips. “What is it?”

Chakotay cleared his throat. “I love you.”

Kathryn blinked. “What?”

“I love you.”

“What did you say again?”

Now Chakotay looked a little confused, but said, “I love you.”

Kathryn considered. “I’m not sure I understand.”

This time, Chakotay said it even more loudly, enunciating every syllable. It was like he was making love to the words. “I. Love. You.”

Kathryn let her lips relax into a smile. “Again. That’s an order.”

Chakotay frowned. “Is something wrong?”

Kathryn laughed, unshed tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. “No,” she said truthfully. “Nothing is more perfect than right now, than what you just said. I’ll just never get tired of hearing you say that to me.”

Chakotay’s smile grew even more broad. “If that’s the case, then I will say it as often as you’d like. I promise. For the rest of our lives. Every day.” He kissed her again. “Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway, I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You Make It Feel Like Christmas" by Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZT9_H4-hbM


	12. The Greatest Gift of All

Christmas morning dawned early but Chakotay was in no rush to get out of bed. It had been wonderful waking up with Kathryn these last three days, and he just felt so complete. It was a heady rush, and he knew his feelings ran true and deep. He never felt like this with Seven. Getting together with Seven had been a mistake and he was so glad that now he had a second chance with his true love.

Next to him, Kathryn stirred.

“Merry Christmas,” Chakotay said.

“Merry Christmas to you.”

“Shall we go see what Santa brought?”

Kathryn giggled and Chakotay thought she was adorable. “I think Santa was quite generous to me last night,” she said with a smile, but she obliged. She held Chakotay’s hand as they walked into the living room and indeed, there was a pile of gifts under the tree. Kathryn’s eyes widened.

“Chakotay…”

His eyes sparkled. He was so happy to see Kathryn so happy. He could feel her joy in every cell of his body. “Let me get you some coffee,” he told her. “Why don’t you relax?” He went to the replicator. He had created a special drink especially for this morning: coffee, Amaretto, coffee liqueur, and butterscotch Schnapps. The whole heady concoction was topped with a generous and towering swirl of whipped cream. He handed one to Janeway and placed his carefully on the side table. He watched, a bit anxiously, as Janeway took the first sip. A dab of whip cream landed perfectly on the tip of her nose. He sucked in her breath as she continued to sample the coffee, seemingly unaware of her new facial ornament.

“Well?” Chakotay said impatiently.

“This is really fantastic.” She put her cup down. “What is this recipe called?”

“`Christmas Morning with Kathryn.’”

“Mmm, I love that.” She snuggled closer to him and he took the opportunity to swipe the whip cream off her nose. She laughed at him and caught his fingers in hers and kissed them. Chakotay squeezed her hand and then went to the tree. Nestled among all of the big packages was one very small one. He considered and then picked it up.

“Kathryn,” he said. He handed her the box.

She looked at him with surprise. “What is this?”

“Open it.”

She did, and with such maddening precision and care, he was bursting with impatience. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to hide his impatience. When she finally revealed the blue velvet jewelry box, she gasped.

“Chakotay,” she whispered as she opened it. Inside, nestled in a white satiny material, was a beautiful ring with an emerald-cut 3-carat diamond perched in the center. One-carat diamonds were nestled on either side of it.

“Kathryn,” Chakotay said earnestly, “all I want is to make you happy, to wake up beside you every single day, to be the one you kiss good morning and the one you kiss good night. For the rest of our lives. It would make me the happiest man in all four quadrants if you would say yes.”

Kathryn’s eyes shone. Her voice trembled as she said, “All I’ve ever want to complete my life was you.” She let him lift the ring out of the box and slide it on her finger. “Yes. Of course. Yes.” And she kissed him. This was, indeed, the best Christmas ever, and for the first time in her life, she knew the magic of the season was real.

_~ the end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Greatest Gift of All" by Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZT9_H4-hbM

**Author's Note:**

> "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Carey
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAkMkVFwAoo


End file.
